Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
