you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
