I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
