wrigley field is MILF paradise
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
