I CAN MOONWALK!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
