How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
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