You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
