we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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