I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
