Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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