Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
