Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This couple is walking their pig around campus
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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