I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
