Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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