i think i have two assholes
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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