yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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