Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
