when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
