Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
