Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
