I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My dick has a subreddit
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
