East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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