paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My vagina just recognized that song.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
