Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
