No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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