ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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