Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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