Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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