no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
