"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
