I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
