I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
