My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
