belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
