my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
