fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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