onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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