My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
