i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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