I'm so fucking centered right now
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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