im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
