im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm always down for nudity.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
