If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
