she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
