we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i think i just lost a toe
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
