Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
