Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
