I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
