Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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