My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
