clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
