once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
